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English Class

2 Sep

Here is everything I achieved in English yesterday.

Note; The first is a found poem, I just wrote down interesting things people said and they started to look poemish.


Cool kids love washers, yo

Click me.


Hard Soft Acid Base Theory

20 Jun

Hypothetically held in your hot little hand
Is an acid or base you don’t quite understand.
To work out its properties quick as you please,
Close your eyes, hold your breath, and give it a squeeze.

It’s small like a marble and hard like a stone?
Its qualities suddenly make themselves known!
Its electron affinity is high as the sky
So it’s not as affected by charges nearby.

But what if it’s squishy like squashed up banana?
Its electrons are welcome to wander out farther.
A low oxidation, can be pulled out of shape,
These will suggest a soft acid or base.

So next time your looking for strong interactions,
Remember the fundamentals of attraction.
Like Pearson proposed, as a rough rule of thumb;
Hard to hard, soft to soft, and your work is done.

Chelate Effect

19 Jun

The chelate effect is dependent on size,
And clever young chemists, this will not surprise;
A five-membered ring is indeed the most stable,
More so if delocalisation enables
The flow of electrons through double bonds,
For resonance strengthens benzene hexagons.

But make that ring smaller, and lo and behold!
Ring strain will encourage the thing to unfold.
The more rings that bind to a metal cation,
The stronger the bonds the complex must rely on!
So, multiple five membered rings are the best
For a happy and stable metal complex.

Seven Minutes til Monday

13 Jun

I’m one dinosaur richer,
Spleen crushed by hijackers,
A tiny spun glass idea
Dropped so slowly…

Then it bursts on cement and filaments fly

Its death is my savior!
Its existence made me think
Too hard, and experiment
With plum and pink…

But the overall effects are quite pleasing

My room is so clean
I started when I walked in.
The carpet is real?
I thought I’d dreamed it.

But tomorrow, it will snow tutorial sheets again.

Even More Procrastinatory Poetry

8 Jun

Although this time, it’s actually about biology.

Gene Regulation Lectures

Biology is really dull,
It makes me want to cry.
I sit here and I hope and pray
Biology would die.

I should be in chemistry,
Mixing orbitals,
Or making drugs or explosions
And blasting holes through walls.

Even English beats this hell,
Our lecturer is bald,
But what we learn is rather cool,
And not like this at all.

Learn how to make powerpoints!
It’s really not that hard.
You fail at constructing slides,
Go jump under a car.

Chromatin, could this be it?
A single ray of light?
More interesting than operons…
Nope, it’s still not right.

I’d rather be at home in bed,
Or even in a lab,
Breathing in the ethanol,
Ablah bab lah ba blab.

Harry Potter and the Secretory Pathway

“Harry! Stop rolling on the floor in agony clutching your scar and feeling misunderstood!”
“Sorry Professor, but I fear this pain in my head is foreshadowing.”
“Of He Who Must Not Be Named??”
“No, misplaced proteins. Golly it hurts!”
“Fine, Potter. Go to the Hospital Wing. And Ms Granger, PLEASE put your hand down.”


An ‘I’d Rather Not Be Studying For This Bio Exam’ Poem

7 Jun

Desire Lines

The cut corner, the hypotenuse,
The path of least resistance
Through a garden, flattened ferns,
Worn in by shoes’ persistence

A hole kicked through a feeble hedge,
Saves walkers going ‘round,
Bikes draw winding snakes of mud
From hiding in the ground

Whether worked by wanderer,
Or impatience set on path,
The flower beds and tailored lawns
Will yield to travellers’ wrath

Stepping stones, cement lament!
You’ll never win their hearts,
Gardeners grumble as grass gives in,
To feet creating paths.

The Greatest Story Ever Told

1 Jun


by Sian and Eleanor

The sun shone brightly that day. Simon was feeling alive, for the first time in approximately six years.

It didn’t really help that for the last six years Simon had been declared dead, but that was irrelevant now. All that mattered was that he felt alive.

His friend, Susie, was pleased to see him so upbeat. She had just finished an undergraduate degree in law and medicine, topping both easily.

Admittedly she was the only one in the class, with the exception of Simon, but we all know that Simon was dead, so he didn’t really count.

Or at least, that was what the examiners said.

Simon would have passed his exams with flying colours, proving that he was actually alive, but his pencil had turned into a duck during the exam and had waddled away, leaving Simon bewildered and failing.


A Less Serious Poem

26 May

Reverend Peters locked his car,
Slowly climbed the stairs,
And pushed open the church’s doors,
To lead the morning prayers.

His parish watched him, glassy eyed,
Barely half-awake,
Then from the back row came a cry,
“The carpark has escaped!”

The congregation turned as one,
And saw the little girl,
Her nose pushed at the windowpane,
Her pigtails a-twirl.

Sure enough, to their surprise,
The little girl was right!
The tarmac of the parking lot
Had somehow taken flight!

Little chunks of bitumen
Were rising steadily,
With absolutely no regard
For sense, or gravity.

“The end has come! It’s Judgment Day!”
Mrs Mayfield cried,
But no one heard her fearful sobs;
The crowd had run outside.

…To be continued.

A Very Serious Poem

25 May

Chemistry Lab

Cradling beakers
In the gentle, outstretched arms
Of the balance.

Counting each crystal
and watching the scale tip,
Precise like a knife.

A drizzle of white
That eats black edges into
Flesh and bone and steel.

This liquid trickles
Melting crystals to honey,
Viscous yellow fire.

Steady swirl of glass
Over carefully caged flame,
‘til tiny bubbles breathe.

With each coil of smoke,
The nectar deepens, redder,
Then the glass is a ruby.

Cold grey iron
Tamed, and painted sunsets,
Warmed by the flask.

Her magic complete,
The alchemist sits to watch
Her glitter growing.

A Dark and Mysterious Poem

18 May

In a shady alleyway,
Waiting ’til it’s dark,
A character in shady clothes,
Stands shadily.

He’s a protein trafficker.