Skinny Jeans

18 Aug

An Appreciation or You’ll Never Understand

What is there in this world
That rivals the majesty
The might
The scarily tight
Form-fitting functional plain black
Skinny jean?

The versatility!
The changeability!
The uphill struggle
To fit feet, calves, thighs,
Then inhale and zip.

But breathe with caution…
The ricochet of a button fly has velocity enough to embed shrapnel in human bone…

“A man should be able to support his lover’s weight,

And that guy looks like he’d topple over if his backpack was a little heavy…”

No. You will never understand,
The mark of a man is no longer his wits,
Or words,
Or haircut,
Or ability to rock a T-spin in a time-trial-Tetris-tourney.

If his legs are wider than his wrists
And his jeans don’t cling with ferocity
To his too-easy-to-break ankles
He is nothing.

Our fair Evolution didn’t see this coming.
An era when the spindly and delicate
Would triumph in genetic competition…

But Evolution can just shut up and take a back-seat to our new Dictator of Nature.

The plain black skinny jeans.

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One Response to “Skinny Jeans”

  1. James Czarny August 29, 2011 at 1:37 pm #

    Wonderful job! I will forever remember this as my first step towards the world of hipsterness.

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