A Letter to Vampires

Dear Vampires,

My name is Eleanor, and I’ve noticed that you (as a race) have come into vogue of late. I thought I would write to you in a show of support in the face of the vicious and offensive rumours that have sprung up thanks to the efforts of some supposed ‘writers’.

First of all, I think you’ll find that the ignorance surrounding the qualities of your skin under UV radiation is propagated solely by young, human females. Really, the vile and misinformed bug has only spread in circles populated by dozy and unimaginative ‘tweens’. I have sad premonitions of said tweens one day storming Mardi Gras, attracted by buff gentlemen covered in glitter. Their efforts will, however, be in vain.

Please be aware that the vast majority of the educated community understands that you do not all wear black, mope constantly, fall in love with equally mopy ladies with seemingly no redeemable qualities, breath heavily, suffer from insomnia, or spend more than an average amount of time in trees.

I spend a lot of time in trees. I’ve yet to run into one of your noble race entangled in knotted boughs.

While I understand that the popular culture of the day paints a horrible misinformed picture of you, I wish to remind you of some positives associated with your name! I speak, of course, of Vampire Weekend!

The miraculous, modern spin on the sounds of Paul Simon, and enchanting Soweto flavours lend nothing but pure, unadulterated bliss to any mention of the word ‘Vampire’. They have recently released their second album, Contra, and I suggest you give it a thorough listen. It is, I have no doubt, one of the defining albums of our generation, just as Graceland was such a prominent sound in its day.

I also learnt some facts about Ezra Koenig today. I thought it appropriate to share them with you.

Did you know, for instance, that he was an 8th grade English teacher?? I cannot even begin to explain what I would’ve given up to be taught English by this guitar-wielding deity of indie tunes. Furthermore, the band Vampire Weekend is named after a movie that Ezra and his friends wrote during college. In this film, Ezra plays ‘Walcott‘. Walcott has to go to Cape Cod to warn everyone about the vampires. Presumably, the events take place on a weekend.

I hope this climate of vampire-stupidity dies down soon. Your people deserve nothing less than equality and respect from humans of all ages and genders.

Regards,
Eleanor

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10 Outrageously Cool Things

From bizarre art to strange and useless objects, here is my list of 10 things that can only be described as fantastic.

1. Shiro Matsui’s Hole in Water

I don’t know if that’s actually what it’s called, but I think it’s an apt title.

2. Melon Art

Many of you may know that I’m mildly fascinated by melon art. For those who have missed that phase, have a tasty melony example.

And here is another link to more melon madness.

3. Magnet Bed

No, not the slightly magnetic underlays people buy to ward off joint pain. A whole freaking BED that FLOATS because of MAGNETS. I’d like to note that the website I got this off was Dutch (presumably because it’s a Dutch invention) and the headline for the sidebar article was ‘Nu in de Winkel!’ Other languages are funny.

Oh, here’s the bed;

4. This Clock

I have a thing for quirky clocks. This is one of my favourites. As far as I can tell, there are two little beads, and one of them goes around the other one… So, not practical, but darn it looks sleek.

Go to this website for a whole massive stack of other, less impossible to read clocks.

5. The Procrastination Factory

A new addition to my sidebar, and one I feel needs some serious traffic. It’s hilarious.

6. These Funky Marble Track Domino Effect Things

Bah, that’s not a title. That’s just awe-struck mumbling pretending to be a title. But wait til you see these. There are heaps. Pity my internet is running so slowly today.

Apparently they’re from a Japanese kid’s TV show. Those lucky Japanese children.

7. ReacTable

When we saw Bjork play in ’08, she had a guy manipulating one of these for her. While the crowd of Rage Against the Machine fans booed her off the stage, I’m sure they took in the vast coolness of this device.

8. Laser Stars Projector

It’s on everyone’s favourite website, Think Geek, and it fills me with longing every time I see it. I’ve plastered the ceiling of my room with glowing stars, but nothing could ever rival this machine for galactic sleepytime fun.

One day, Laser Stars Projector…one day I will own you…

9. LED Throwies

It’s graffiti taken to a whole new level, and it’s wonderful. Magnets, LEDs, and batteries all taped up together to create the perfect ammunition for any ferromagnetic target…

10. Stuff White People Like

I read this website, and it’s like looking in a mirror.

So, there’s my list! I’ll make notes of more cool things I find. Please enjoy!

There Are Plenty More Fish in the Sea

ME: Oh really? Just how many are there, Doctor?

DR SEUSS: Well, let me tell you…

One fish,
Two fish,
Red fish,
Blue fish,
Black fish,
Blue fish,
Old fish,
New fish,
This one has a little star
This one has a little car
Say, what a lot of fish there are!

Disclaimer: Words by Doctor Seuss. Like you didn’t know.

My Favourite Song

Okay, so it’s not the BEST song ever, but nothing can cheer me up quite like this little tune can. I have no idea why, though. It’s just…affirming.

The Schedule

To anyone going to Big Day Out, Sydney, 22nd January, here is my suggestion for a schedule… Remember, bathroom breaks become unnecessary if you dance enough to sweat out the fluid, and don’t eat until about 10pm.

(Note; Bands in CAPS are non-negotiable…everything else, I’m a little relaxed about. I’m not a festival Nazi or anything like that!)

1100 – 1130: Miami Horror

1130 – 1200: ?

1215 – 1300: Bluejuice

1430 – 1500: Kasabian

1515 – 1600: PASSION PIT

1605 – 1705: Girltalk

1710 – 1800: Midnight Juggernauts

1800 – 1900: LILY ALLEN

1900 – 1930: MARS VOLTA

1930 – 2010: CALVIN HARRIS

2010 – 2045: Ladyhawke

2110 – 2230: MUSE

2230 – 0000: Groove Armada

So, good luck planning, people. If your plan resembles mine at all, let me know so I can have festival buddies!

Post Christmas Sales

This is handy to know;

Don’t you be judging me. It’s not like I was googling ‘Joe Jonas’…

I was googling Nick Jonas.

Mango Trypping: Chapter 5

In association with Thank You For Your Thyme

Chapter 5 – The Cephalopod Tamer

In which a villainous lady and her fearsome gyrocoptopus woo a battered academic

Julian’s day was not going well. He had slept on his left arm strangely, and so it ached a bit near his elbow. There was no milk at breakfast, which ruled out cereal and white tea, and put him in a hungry and crabby mood. Then the Skysnail was attacked by an oversized, flying octopus and was sent tumbling from the sky to crash violently into the base of a mountain near a forest undoubtedly filled with countless ravenous beasts. To further ruin Julian’s day, he did not even regain consciousness in the wrecked airship, like Joseph did. He awoke on a large, soft couch in a huge chamber with stone walls and marble tiles. In front of the couch, a small table covered with a lace cloth was set for tea. A large window was set into the wall to Julian’s left, and sunlight was streaming in. Other than the light from the window, the chamber was dark, and a little chilly.

Julian stood up, ignoring the twinge in his elbow from where he slept on it strangely, and trying (and failing) to ignore the stabbing pain in his knee. Presumably, this knee pain was a by-product of the crash landing earlier. He gathered the thick blanket that had been tucked around him up, and slung it around his shoulders like a cape. That warmed him slightly. He decided to hobble to the window, partially for the warmth, and partially to ascertain where he was being housed. About halfway there, he realised he wasn’t wearing his glasses, which explained the fuzzy quality the chamber had. They must’ve been lost in the crash. He groaned, then started suddenly as he heard a voice from behind him.
“I can make you a new pair, darling. Yours were steel frames, no?”
Julian spun to face the speaker, and his mind seized up. Before him stood a tall, slender woman, dressed in a close-fitting and slightly shimmering red dress. Her hair was dark and long, with a straight fringe that fell into her eyes, hiding her expression. She was, without a doubt, the most lovely person Julian had ever set eyes on, in this world or the real one. He needed to reply with something smooth and suave…
“Uh…yeah.”
Damn.

Julian and the charming lady dressed in red had tea. Her name was Deidre, and she was intriguing for several reasons. Firstly, Julian had never met anyone else in this world who existed outside of it, Joseph being the obvious exception. This revealed to him that their source of Magnifera tryptamine was not the only one. Other people had found and discovered the properties of the strange fruit. Secondly, Deidre was a villain. She had entered the strange world of the fruit to wreak havoc and chaos, and it was on her command that the Skysnail was forcibly removed from the air. Molly, the gyrocoptopus, was Deidre’s friend and companion. Her acid-drenched tentacles and propellor propulsion were the invention of the lovely lady in red.
“Now tell me, dear, why you could not simply conjure a new pair of spectacles yourself.” Deidre said, stirring sugar into her tea lazily.
“I…I’m not very good with imagining things.” Julian replied sheepishly.
“I see. A man of facts and figures. Solid and tangible things.” Deidre smiled. To manipulate the world of a gomango trip, one needed to have a calm mind and a good imagination. Joseph was the creator of the world he and Julian lived in. He could summon wild and unusual daydreams and make them a reality. In this world, Julian was as useful as a chocolate kettle.

Deidre opened her mouth, as if to begin to speak, but then smiled and shook her head. Julian gave her a politely quizzical look.
“It’s nothing, really. I just had a brief…imagining.” Deidre’s smile changed slightly. She seemed more menacing now. “If you entered this world with a friend, for instance, he would imagine you some sort of power to ensure you were equal…Any decent person would do that.”
Julian frowned.
“At least, I would do that.” Deidre leant across the table and gently smoothed a blonde wave out of Julian’s eye. “I could be a friend.”

Joseph could conjure Julian pink underwear, but this woman could give him equality in this world ruled by the imaginative.
Julian made his choice.

How good is this?

2010 is set to be a winner. Just did my timetable for next semester…It’s heaven. So much lab, so few lectures…NO MATHS. *bliss*

I hope everyone has as good a year as I’m gearing myself up for.

Frisbee in the sun,
Promises of adventure,
Optimism wins.